Apologies

Have you ever been at a playgroup or a park where kids will bash into each other, run someone over, or hit someone, then shout “sorry!” and run away, leaving the other child bawling on the ground?

I sure have. I’m not a fan of this behavior.

I do my best to teach children compassion and honesty. The combination of the two things means that, when a child knocks another child over, I never ask for an apology. Preschoolers are narcissists. They don’t understand yet that other people have the same feelings that they do. Their brains don’t, as a general rule, grasp that yet, which is why we spend so much time talking about other people’s feelings.

So what do I do if I don’t make children apologize? I ask them to make reparations. Even when it’s an accident, I make children stop and check in with the other person. I make them ask questions like, “Are you okay? Is there anything I can get you? What do you need right now?” then, if there’s nothing that they can get them, I ask them to sit with the other person until that person is ready to play.

This isn’t a punishment. This is them setting things right.

This also gives them the opportunity to see how their actions impact others. I have yet to see a group of children who, when introduced to this change in policy, weren’t more careful and compassionate as a result. Children start to pay more attention to the people around them, and often they start to implement this strategy in other arenas.

Creating more compassionate people is what we specialize in.